"Good Morning! Everything sucks. Especially you. You suck."
“No, don’t shower today. It’s too much effort and it won’t noticeably lessen the hardcore self-loathing we’ve got going on here."
“I hate your clothes. You look like a bag lady. You know you don't need a bra for those, right?"
“Hey! You should cut your own bangs. Yea, like that, that looks pretty good. Just a few more snips so they’re too short and you’re crying. There. That’s it.”