Evolutionary Failings

Evolutionary Failings

Dear Mr. Darwin,

I’m no good at math but if humans have been here 100,000 years and have been wrangling offspring all that time, shouldn’t we have more than two arms by now?

Arms. We need more of them. Our jobs as parents demand it.

Every day at 5 o’clock, my two-year-old stands in front of me in the kitchen and wails that she’s hungry.  Every day I tell her that she is supposed to be hungry for dinner, that we will be eating in an hour, that I am making dinner, right now, so that she will no longer be hungry and that I need her help, because in order for her not to be hungry I have to make the dinner and I can’t make the dinner and attend to her screaming at the same time. Every day she suggests through sobs, that I should simply hold her with one arm and cook dinner with the other. She weighs thirty-five pounds. I can barely hold her with all the arms I’ve got.  

With these two inadequate arms, I managed the feat of  breastfeeding while  ________. (Go ahead and fill in the blank with anything except driving. ie: pooping, cooking, wiping the bottom of another child, paying bills, doing laundry...)

Just imagine what could be done with the proper number of appendages.

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Wonky Cat

Wonky Cat

My husband says the only redeeming thing about my cat, is that I love her.

A large pouch of skin hangs from her middle; a flappy, back and forth belly. I have an un-scientific theory that her bones stopped growing before they fit her skin, as a result of malnutrition in the first few weeks of her life. She doesn’t know how to regulate her food intake, as though there were a time when she was entirely without and she’s afraid of never being fed again.

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When You Care Enough to Stress out over Mail: Holiday Cards

When You Care Enough to Stress out over Mail: Holiday Cards

This year, the children are "helping" me get the cards done. Our table is splayed with cards, envelopes, and postage stamps. A list of names and an address book are buried somewhere in the pile. There are sealed envelopes that contain neither card nor address, cards with scribbles over our family photo, and envelopes with postage stamps everywhere but the upper right hand corner...

 

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Practically a Buddha

Practically a Buddha

I don’t sit still, or do only one thing at a time, as a general rule. I am highly motivated and productive but my method of operation is crap. Once set in motion, I whirl with increasing speed until I spin into exhaustion. In college I worked with my dearest friend, in a flower and garden shop. She once observed that she could actually see me physically trying to move in multiple directions at once. After thirty-five years of amping up until I crash,  I am beginning to realize the wisdom in maintaining a sustainable level of functionality. Hence the beginning of a practice to regularly and specifically calm my body and mind...

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Have You Considered Parasites?

Have You Considered Parasites?

Staying informed of our potential as parasitic hosts, is simply a matter of getting to know ourselves better. It’s another ingredient in the complex recipes that makes us each unique. Jeff has blond hair, his mother’s smile and his father’s sense of humor. Susan has brown eyes, a mind for math and a tiny animal-like organism inside her body that makes her fold the bath towels just so...

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