Girls Are Dirty and Gross

The children have begun tumbling out of doors every morning, to get a taste of Spring. Like everything else they eat, most of it misses their mouths. In the evenings, they report back to the house with dirt in their noses, in between toes-es and on that little spot, everywhere else on their bodies. 

We are a gardening family, a let’s-dig-for-worms family, a 'Don’t bother going inside-just pee on that bush' family. In Winter, we operate on the ‘I can’t remember the last day you had a bath, so it must be time’ bathing schedule. When seasons shift, the kids require a nightly scrub. After the tub water drains, there is so much soil left behind, I could pot a ficus.

But my girls aren’t just filthy, they’re also gross. Gross as any little boy, I’d contend.  Sugar and spice and farts and boogers. That’s what little girls are made of. There is no shortage of bodily fouls in our home. My little ladies have got all kinds of disgusting going on that isn't seasonally dependent.

If you were one of the many flies that make their way into the house when we leave all the doors open on a nice day, you may have overheard me say to one my daughters...

“Get your hand out of my butt.”

“You may only put clean underwear on your head.”

“I understand you worked hard to get it and that you’re proud, but you don't need to bring me your booger for approval.”

“Please don’t answer the door naked.” 

“I saw you eat that. Go get a tissue.”

“I feel like you’re exaggerating the sound required for hocking a loogie.”

“Hands out of your crotch.”

“We don’t lick the bottoms of our shoes.”

“Is this snot on the wall?”

“How about some pants?”

“Pee-ew! I think you may have just burned a hole in the couch.”

Perhaps, they are lacking a ladylike example. I pretend to be graceful and delicate, but mostly my husband has to keep me from wiping my face on my sleeve. No matter, I like my girls dirty and gross.


Amy - Funny Is Family

03/26/2014 2:23pm

Preach, sister! I am so thankful I was not raised in a "girls aren't gross like boys" family. Because, BULLSHIT. We surely are.

Carisa Miller

03/26/2014 4:05pm

(Typing with one hand while the other scratches my ass.) Indeed! Thank you, Amy!

Summer

03/27/2014 6:20am

My very dainty 2yro little girl decided to skip going poop in the potty & instead went in her pull up, dug it out, smeared it all over her body, my floor, & was carrying it around in her stroller. O.o

Carisa Miller

04/06/2014 9:35pm

Around in her stroller? Ohhhhhhhhhh, no.

Foxy Wine Pocket

03/27/2014 8:45am

I love this so much! I have to remind my daughter that changing her underwear is a daily chore, not a weekly one. Also, she leans to one side to fart. It's especially funny on the wooden kitchen chairs.

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Carisa Miller

04/06/2014 9:37pm

I'm awestruck by what foulness comes out of those tiny creatures. My littlest LOVES to announce gas and name the dealer.

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Husband

04/08/2014 1:39pm

When the littlest one claws in the dirt - searching for worms of course - decides (or is it impulse?) to go digging in her nasal cavity for boogs only to leave a lovely circle of dirt around her nostril. Then looks at you like "wha? do i have something on my face?"

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NicoleV

07/09/2014 3:57pm

My 6 yr old little angle never fails to fall over laughing after she pulls down her pants and underwear, spreads her cheeks and bends over shaking her butt.... If you're really lucky she'll rip one while she's doing this! Girls are defiantly more into bodly functions than boys!!

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My Special Kind Of Xrazy

07/28/2014 4:56pm

My girls are covered head to toe in dirt every night. The older sucks in her toes and bites her toenails. Her toots are lethal and both of their feet stink like a grown mans after a marathon run. There is nothing dainty about them- even in princess dresses they are in trees and covered in grass stains and leaves are tangled in their hair. I wouldn't have it any other way.